Sarah
by silversurf4
Summary: After the events of "One" Crews and Reese go to Mexico to figure things out, but things don't go the way they'd thought or hoped. Crews & Reese throughout - although it takes some time to get there.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **_There have been lots of Life stories on the site recently; most written far better than my meager offering, but I still write and I'd love it if you'd review so I can get better at breathing life into these wonderful characters. Thanks for visiting. ~~ Surf4_

* * *

**Sarah**

It was the darkest part of the night. The time when he was on the inside that the demons came. This time, however, they weren't there for him. They were there for her. She thrashed and moaned in her sleep. A string of mumbled words frothed from her mouth, but the only clear word was "no." She repeated it over and over as if she was warding off evil.

He sat on the bed beside her and tried his best to soothe his troubled partner; the woman he loved, but couldn't touch. She eased at the sound of his voice and the warmth of his knuckles grazing along her cheek. He waited and her breathing resumed a normal rhythm. He watched her sleep.

Time seemed to stretch endlessly like a ribbon of light. A tiny sliver light cast by a low-slung moon made the room seem gilded but with silver instead of the golden cast that his beloved sun created. She seemed at home there in the shiny, soft, silver glow. She was as relaxed as he'd ever seen her, his partner. It made him feel proud that she trusted him that much.

The kind of pride he felt from gaining her trust was something that he hadn't experienced in a long time. It wasn't a win like solving a case, winning a fight in the yard or beating some thug at his own game. It wasn't like banging a long legged girl from a bus stop or a waking up after bedding a wild party girl. It wasn't even like the thrill of driving some sleek, new, impossibly fast car with an unpronounceable name or the looks he got when he climbed out of it wearing a three thousand dollar suit. He felt giddy and warm like he hadn't since he was a boy. It was a solemn sacred truth he'd discovered wrapped within the rustling paper thin trust of the woman he loved, but dared not touch – not yet, maybe not ever.

* * *

_Two days earlier…._

Roman was gone. Crews and Reese were back together, but not in the way they both secretly craved. Misperception, deep scars and a lack of trust held them apart thought they yearned and strained to be close. The air between them shimmered from the heat of their formless friction. Want warmed the car that sat in, but it was a fire they would not feed.

Bodner awkwardly offered to take Reese to the hospital. It was an offer Crews wouldn't have made because he knew she'd refuse and she didn't disappoint. She yelped, "no" so fast; Charlie twisted to look at her.

"Reese," he asked firmly, holding her with just his piercing blue eyes, "did he hurt you?" He sought confirmation from her guileless lies. Dani Reese had long been able to avoid him, even lie to him, but never with her dark brown eyes. And they both knew it. Her long pointed stare confirmed it. The talk they'd never had occurred there in those pointed looked and long stares.

She didn't look away and answered him solidly. "No," she replied, "he was too afraid you - of what you'd do." The smile in Crews' eyes, never reached his lips. It was a kind of pride, but not one he wanted her to see him wear; one he felt guilty for feeling, but that grateful it had kept her safe.

"Reese," he questioned more deeply with just her name and his eyes.

"Okay, yes," she relented. His eyes narrowed and darkened.

Charlie stared at her demanding more with his intense blue eyes.

"Not like that," she warned. She rolled her eyes, "not sexually."

They did not share their separate secrets, but they no longer lied either.

Charlie released a breath he didn't realize he was holding. Reese parroted his action. They both noticed it; she scowled, he smiled. Crews rolled his shoulders to release tension.

Suddenly, Bodner realized their threesome contained one person too many. He left the car as soon as they reached a busy street, pronouncing he'd hail a cab. He left the keys in the ignition and leaned back into the car to tell Crews, "I'm going back to MY partner." His message was clearly, "_don't waste your chance with yours."_

Charlie climbed behind the wheel and turned to her and asked, "where to?"

The air contained unfulfilled possibilities, both good and bad.

"I don't want to go the hospital," she said strongly. "I don't NEED to go to the hospital." There was a long pause as neither offered a suggestion or idea. Slack tide, no air to fill their sails and a collective lack of desire to move beyond their now. Moments ticked by and internally they both considered their options.

"Everyone's been looking for you," Charlie offered neutrally.

"Everyone didn't find me; you did."

Charlie swallowed his doubt and divulged something he felt he had to, "Tidwell's looking for you." He didn't want to tell her that, but he felt he had to.

"I don't want to see him," she seemed upset about it. It wasn't Tidwell's fault she didn't love him, but it was still annoying. She frowned at the look Charlie gave her. "It's not that I don't want to see him, but I…"

"Don't want to see him." Charlie finished for her.

"Yes," she nodded. "Yep," she popped. "Wanna know why?"

"I know," he said in a low tone, but he refused to look at her.

"How can you know?" she was angry. "I don't know… what I know, so how the hell can you know?"

"One plus one equals one," his voice was just above a whisper.

She seemed to understand, because she asked for no explanation.

"We can't go home. Not to yours, not to mine," she listed their very limited options.

"Didn't you want to go lay on a beach somewhere? Mexico's only a few hours away," he teased with a sly smile.

"We don't have ID, passports," she listed the challenges they faced.

"I'll have them found and sent down to us," he explained. "We need time, to figure this out."

"Yeah," she said softly. "Let's go figure this out," she dared, "whatever this is." He turned onto the highway headed south and she was asleep the next time he looked over at her.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Author's Note: _**_ Thanks for the reviews. I noticed a couple typos in the first post that take away from the story so I've gone back and fixed those (I think I caught them all). Posting without a beta is dangerous - for me & for you both. I won't keep you in suspense about the title for long - promise. _

* * *

_The next day…_

They were staying the best hotel he could find south of the border. It was on the beach in Baja. They didn't need ID to cross the border going south. His credit cards had no limits, plus he always carried a lot of cash. They weren't on the run from the police, not yet – that would come later, as would the many questions. They used his burner phones to let the important people know she was safe and to get them to stop looking. They didn't want to be found - that was harder to explain, but he left it in her capable hands.

First she called her mother, they spoke in Farsi, which he didn't understand.

Then she called Tidwell, they spoke in low whispers, which he tried not to hear.

She offered him the phone and he told her he had no one to call. It seemed sad, but it was true. Rachel was safely hidden away and Ted wouldn't ask or worry. Once Bodner was back in play it would be apparent to Ted that both Charlie and Reese were safe. The only person he cared to call sat inches away looking out the window.

She was tired and haunted. He turned on the radio and they didn't speak for hours. When he stopped for gas, he realized she was asleep and they were holding hands. That was two days ago.

He'd found a suitable hotel and registered them as a couple with a false last name. No one cared about his lie here, but he hid out of habit and to keep her safe. Now she was finally sleeping, he was headed there too. Both had gone without sleep for days on end, approaching a week. She lay beside him on the bed fast asleep and dreaming. He watched her eyes moving rapidly beneath her dark lashes and closed lids. Phantoms and ghosts from the past filled her mind. She mumbled snatches of a conversation from long ago. He leaned close and shushed her, whilst brushing a lock of hair from her cheek. He assured her it was okay, murmuring promises of her safety.

Then she spoke to him; only it wasn't him she was speaking to. She was in the past talking to another man from another time. "David?" she wondered groggily.

He found it disappointing, but for the sake of letting her return to an untroubled sleep he played along. He grunted in the affirmative a non-committal "uh-huh" and placed a chaste kiss on her forehead.

"Did you check on the baby?" she asked of David.

Again he answered in the affirmative still close enough to hear the relieved sigh that let her return to untroubled sleep. He sat back stunned.

The boy he'd known about; David, the drug dealing junkie boyfriend who broke her heart and almost wrecked her career. But a baby, that was new.

He knew better than to ask, but his own private investigation just took a backseat to this new interest. _Maybe her reluctance about children tracked back to this mystery child, but where was the child now?_ So many things about his partner made more sense in light of this missing child. The damage done by David's suicide would pale in comparison to the loss of a child. He could tell she was good with children, kind, gentle and patient, but she steadfastly rejected the idea of having any – except that she did. _Was it a little boy or a dark haired beauty like her mother?_

The idea consumed him. His quest to know the fate of Dani's child suppressed all other needs, questions or desires to know things. Her baby became his only interest. It even suppressed his need for sleep. Charlie Crews was very good at finding things out. He found the hotel's internet café and searched birth records for Dani Reese's offspring and found a single official record. It stared him in the face from the computer screen, Sarah Elizabeth Martinez, daughter of David James Martinez and Danielle Elizabeth Reese, born eleven months before he'd met Reese for the first time.

David died, Dani went into rehab and little Sarah vanished. She'd be about four years old now.

Maybe she went into foster care, but she damned sure didn't go to live with Reese or her parents. In fact, based on what little he knew about Dani's parents he was he pretty sure that Jack Reese didn't know about his granddaughter. Because despite his own personal dislike of Dani's father, there was no denying the elder Reese had a soft spot for lost children. It was evidenced by the way he jealously guarded and protected Rachel. He wouldn't have let Sarah be swallowed by foster care. _Why had Dani? Had she tried to find her daughter? Had she failed? Had she quit trying? Was that why she'd really lost her faith?_

* * *

In the morning when she woke, his carefully schooled Zen façade was back in place. He was cheerful, cool and aloof. Whatever raw want had fired in that orange grove, he'd buried under layers of ice. She looked at him strangely for several moments over coffee and then headed for the pool – a place that meant death for him. His pale skin hid in the shadows all day as she lounged in the heat and drank fruit juice. She returned as the sunset, showered and they ate dinner together in companionable silence or idle talk of things that kept them from a discussion of their true desires.

A week later, they went back to LA. She went home and within days was allowed to return to limited duty. He was suspended indefinitely. His suspension gave him time to pursue his other interest. They met for coffee or lunch a couple times a week, but she was busy answering questions about him (again) and he hid behind another high priced lawyer. It seemed everyone in her life only wanted to know about Charlie Crews. It should have pissed her off, but it didn't. She didn't want anyone digging into her life and so she protected him - and his secrets. What hurt was that he was still keeping secrets from her, she who he loved. She knew it, but he'd deliberately distanced himself and she didn't know why. Their interactions were awkward and stilted; the layers of complex secrets they both kept held them apart.

At least, they hadn't tried to assign her a new partner; everyone knew she wouldn't accept one. Some people saw Crews as a hero; others viewed him as a vigilante. Dani lay in her bed at night wondering how she saw him - if she really saw him at all. Crews had become a phantom, he could be seen, but not touched, not held and then you were left wondering if what you saw was really there at all - or just something you imagined. Apart or together Crews was with her, he occupied her thoughts face more than she wanted him to - and that pissed her off.

* * *

In the weeks after they returned home to LA, his insatiable need to know, to find Dani's little girl, consumed him almost as completely as his search for Rachel had. He was quickly becoming the champion of little lost girls. His life was littered with them, first Dani, then Rachel and now Sarah.

Still he kept that from Reese, he hid his search from her and she felt it. She sensed him holding back and while they met, she grew colder to him by the day. Where before there was a sliver of hope for them, now she was shut off from him, far worse than when they'd first met. The cold of her detachment burned worse than the heat of her anger. He tolerated it because he was on a quest for something he thought could heal her wounds. She left the office now and returned nightly to her cold empty apartment shunning the entreaties of someone who'd once brought her comfort. Tidwell assumed that things had changed between Crews and Reese and while they had - it was not in the way that people thought. Reese could sense her partner was keeping something from her and that held them apart as effectively as her anger ever had.


	3. Chapter 3

Several weeks later, he'd located and wrested Sarah away from her temporary home, by paying a handsome amount of cash to the family who kept her, he steeled himself to reunite Dani with her daughter believing, all the while, in the innate rightness of his actions.

Even at this point in his life, he could still be fooled - most often and most commonly by himself.

It was a Friday, the day he decided to change all their lives forever. It was incredibly unremarkable, but for his choice - and the effect it would have on them - all of them. He simply showed up in the squad room at the end of the day and announced they needed to go somewhere. Despite the building tension, it was anticlimactic, after the month they'd endured with Roman, fleeing the country and returning to IAD inquiries and suspension.

Ultimately, the key to finding Dani's daughter would prove to be the same one that had kept her hidden, but it would take "time and talk" to tell this secret. It was something they struggled with. While their connection was deep and profound, two things Charlie Crews and Dani Reese didn't do were "talk and share." She had a serious aversion to telling anyone anything. For her to simply "share" her motivation or feelings about things this personal was lunacy, but he was a sometimes lunatic. He realized it would take real pain or fear to loose her tongue on that level; plus she didn't really care to hear other people's stories. She'd told him more than once she didn't want to know his "secrets." But he was going to take them "there" and the place he was taking them was a point of no return.

Charlie,also pathologically protected his past and kept his secrets hidden even from those he trusted most, but the sad look on her face as she collected her things made him feel guilty. She followed him without question. After all they'd been through in life, both apart and together, he guarded his secrets fiercely, but he did trust her. Underneath the cold man he'd built in prison, lurked a man who wanted to unburden his soul - to her. He felt that reuniting Dani with Sarah would encourage them all to mend their rough, frayed edges.

In truth, apprehension and true fear coursed through his veins and colored his vision, because he could not know if she'd be happy or sick about this disclosure. He promised himself it would be the end of his secrets. He'd tell her everything tonight and she could choose if he was what she wanted. He watched her roll her shoulders and settle for whatever he could dish out.

Halfway there she'd figured him out. "We're going to your house," she commented. It wasn't a question.

"We're going to my house," he confirmed keeping his tone level and cool.

"Why lie?" she challenged.

"If I told you it was the last time I'd lie to you and that it's for a very good reason, would you forgive me?" he smiled one of his plastic smiles at her.

"Forgive you? Who says I'd even believe you?" she replied caustically.

The sting of what she'd said wiped the smile from his face and made him think hard about the secrets he kept and what it had done to the trust he'd built over the past few years with the young woman he cared so deeply for, but wouldn't tell. He fell silent as he thought about his choices and their cost.

"Crews?" she questioned. "After Roman, when we went away to Mexico…something changed," she stated it as though it were fact, then questioned her own conclusion, "didn't it?"

"Nothing changed," he promised her, but couldn't explain, not yet. "I still…."

"Forget it," she shut him down. "Let's just get this over with," the disappointment in her voice was heartbreaking as she turned away and looked out the window.

* * *

When they arrived at his house, she got out of the car first, but she waited for him. He was glad of this because it gave him a moment to prepare her, but not too much. He took her hand, she gave him a strange look, but didn't pull away or recoil. Her look said "_what are you doing_?" but she didn't ask it aloud. She didn't have to.

"There's someone I want you to meet," he explained and gently drew her by the hand to through his front door.

"Rosa," he called out, "bring her here."

The maid in her mid 40's came from the kitchen holding Sarah by the hand.

The girl was giggling and carrying a small stuffed toy in her free hand. She looked up to find Charlie after hearing his voice, but as the little girl's eyes met Dani's she dropped Rosa's hand and stared. When their eyes met, Sarah's face became solemn for a moment, then a spark flared and she dropped not only Rosa's hand, but her stuffed toy and began walking toward Dani like she was drawn to her. Dani froze.

Charlie Crews couldn't remember the last time he cried, but he'd later recall tears staining his cheek at what he observed as he watched in awe.

The marble floors were silent, but for the soft crump of the stuffed toy hitting them. Dani dropped Charlie's hand and stepped forward, drawn inexorably to her daughter. Sarah met her step for step. When they got close, Dani was crying silently. She knelt and Sarah reached out to touch her mother's hair. Dani barely moved, but when her daughter leaned into her, placing her head upon Dani's shoulder and exhaling in welcome relief, her arms closed around her daughter and tightened. How the little girl knew Dani was a mystery, but it was clear from seeing them together; no introduction or explanation was needed.

"Mommy," Sarah whispered. Charlie Crews heard Dani Reese sob, just once and watched in rapt attention. As they held onto one another Charlie quietly faded away into the kitchen. He poured a glass of orange juice and stared out his kitchen window listening to the soft tone of Dani's voice talking with her daughter and Sarah's animated responses. He smiled. All was right in the world at that moment in time.

Rosa left through the backdoor, sensing that her help was no longer needed. She quietly mentioned she was leaving, Charlie nodded, but in truth her comments and presence barely registered. He was so focused on listening to the sound of the reunion in the next room. Sarah adjusted to him "buying" her away from the family she was with quite easily. He got the impression the little girl moved around a lot. The parents seemed to expect someone would come to take her - and accepted his money and packed her things quietly. She'd not cried or fretted about leaving this family, who was nice, but wasn't hers. But Dani Reese she knew; Dani Reese she loved - it was apparent to anyone who saw them together. He peeked into the room and found Dani sitting on his stairs with Sarah in her lap. Sarah chatted amiably and Dani listen attentively. He ducked back in the kitchen. Minutes passed and the sound of Sarah's laughter returned.

* * *

She stayed the night, but not to be with him, as he'd long hoped for.

She stayed to be with her daughter. Charlie feared Dani might never let go of the little girl and Sarah certainly never let her mother out of her sight until she fell asleep in Dani's arms. First they ate dinner together, chatting amiably over burgers and fries. He watched both of them peel back the buns to remove pickles from their burgers. Sarah smiled as she noticed it too. When Dani pull the onions off, Sarah followed suit and Reese grinned at her daughter.

Charlie spent most of the night mute and in quiet observation as things he'd never thought to see happened before his eyes.

After dinner, Dani Reese laid on the floor of his home, coloring with her daughter. He made coffee and waited. He was witnessing something profound and he appreciated the simple act of just being present to witness it. Dani Reese smiled more that night than in the entire time he'd known her – collectively. More than once, she looked his way and their eyes connected; in them was sincere thanks and happiness he'd never seen there before, but behind her eyes there was caution and questions - many, many questions. Later he was sure to get a tongue lashing and thorough debriefing from his young partner.

But first Sarah convinced them watch some Disney film. Charlie would never remember which one, but as Sarah pulled Dani by the hand positioning her on the couch beside Charlie he felt his heart rate rise. Sarah instructed Dani to "sit down Mommy," before climbing up in her mother's lap and pulling Charlie's large warm hand into hers. He felt a bit awkward, but eased as Dani leaned back into his body. He joked that Sarah came by her bossy nature naturally earning him an elbow to the ribs. He waited a moment and slid an arm behind Dani and in minutes they were one warm happy content unit – a family in appearance only, but it felt good, fleeting, but fantastic.

As the blue of the movie's end rolled, Charlie realized both girls and his right arm were asleep. He eased from Dani's warmth and carried Sarah to her bedroom.

He returned to pull his partner very much awake. "She asleep?" she wondered dreamily.

"Um-hmm," he confirmed. He was relaxed and calm, which is why she was able to catch him off guard.

Dani Reese pulled back her right hand and slapped him about as hard as he could recall ever being slapped in his life. "You fucking bastard," she cursed under her breath. "Who the hell do you think you are? Bringing her here? Do you even know what you've done?" She ranted angrily. She didn't shout for fearing of waking Sarah, but he remembered the hoarse whisper from nights his parents fought and tried to keep him from hearing.


	4. Chapter 4

He was stunned. "I thought you'd be…."

"What?" she wheeled and stalked towards him again.

He wisely retreated and held up his hands to keep her from hitting him again.

"You thought what? You'd saved her? Like you "saved" me? Grow up Charlie. You aren't some fucking white knight. I had this under control. She was safe. She was cared for. She was loved."

He must have looked as stunned as he felt because she simply threw up her arms in frustration and walked away from him.

"You have no idea what you've done."

"Then tell me," he demanded suddenly angry. "Stop keeping secrets from me and tell me what I've done except put a little girl back with her mother. You – who clearly love her and she….she knows you. How does she know you? Was she ever even lost at all? What the hell is going on here?"

"Stop keeping secrets from you?" She scoffed and then stared at him, measuring him, weighing him and judging him. He'd never felt so naked in his life as Dani Reese tried to decide if he deserved admittance into her own private hell. He held her eyes and in those moments vowed he'd tell her everything, even things she didn't want to know - if only... Luck prevailed because he apparently he passed her test or maybe, like him, she was just tired of lying.

"I couldn't tell my parents," she began shakily. "So I asked Uncle Mickey to put her some place safe, some place I could still see her and no one could ever know."

There it was. The missing piece. The thing put it all together for him. It felt like a lightning bolt struck him. He wanted to sit down, but he couldn't move. Sarah was what put her on Mickey Rayborne's boat that day in that photo. Sarah was the thing she as hiding. Rayborne owned her; he had since before they'd even met.

Perhaps this was the reason they were partnered. Jack Reese didn't want him anywhere near his daughter, but Rayborne... He didn't care about people, he used them. They were chess pieces to him, even Dani Reese and Sarah. He knew that at first she was supposed to set him up when they began working together. He'd almost dared her to, but she didn't and that took guts. They held Sarah as leverage; just as they had Rachel before her.

However, when their gambit failed, it had also succeeded – because Charlie Crews had a thing for little lost girls. Rachel, Dani and now Sarah, were the one thing he couldn't let go of. When he fell for Dani, they'd owned him just as effectively as they'd always wanted to. Not by anything she'd done or would do, but simply by using her to get to him. Dani Reese was taken because of what they knew it would do - to him.

He realized Dani kept talking while he was buried inside his head and listened to her explanation. "He'd move her every couple years, but some place safe, secure and I got to see her from time to time. Then when Rayborne disappeared, I thought he was dead – everyone did. I didn't know where she was, but I knew at least she was safe. I thought I'd never see her again. It's been months," she sounded on the edge of tears, but caught herself.

She stared at him and he tried his best to project nothing, no judgment, no desire, nothing but support, calm and love. He hoped it worked.

"At the FBI, they told me you killed Rayborn…." She trailed off in deep thought, "but I didn't believe them, I didn't want to believe them."

"Because if I killed Rayborne then I was the one responsible for separating you from Sarah," he reasoned.

She nodded mutely wrapping her arms around her middle, protecting herself, covering her heart. She was frightened – of him.

"I didn't do this. I would never hurt you," he growled, "or your daughter. You have to know that," he argued. "Dani, tell me you know that."

She nodded just once and he stepped closer, but she retreated.

"Rayborne," he growled angrily. "He did this," he clenched his fists and his face was fixed in an angry snarl.

"No," she objected sharply. "I asked him for help," she argued. "He helped me."

"No," he ripped the words off with his sharp white teeth. Teeth that were honed on the bone and muscle of other men. He'd become a predator in prison and sometimes he still showed for the animal he'd been made to become. "Rayborne doesn't help people; he uses them. He uses their weakness; their love; the people they love – to control them."

"He never asked me for anything," she battled back.

"He wouldn't have to," he sneered. "It's not you he wants, it's me."

"Just how the hell would Sarah or I help him with that?" she argued testily.

"It wouldn't have – at first, but it will now….

"Why now?" she battled his assertion. In her brain, she knew the answer, but her stubborn heart wouldn't listen to it.

"Because he knows that I love you," he spat. It wasn't exactly the way he'd envisioned professing his love for his partner to her. But that cat was out of the bag. He winced as he realized what he'd said and the tone in his voice when he'd said it.

"Oh," was her only reply. She was now looking at the floor.

"Reese," he implored, realizing only know what he'd said so casually and with such a caustic tone. He took a shaky step towards her.

"Don't," she warned. He froze.

"I'm not ready for this," she intimated with a back and forth of her finger between the two of them. "Not nearly ready," she mumbled under her breath. There was a long pregnant pause, before he offered to take her home.

"Just give me the damned keys," she demanded. "I'll pick you up in the morning."

He handed her the keys and shyly told her, "tomorrow's Saturday."

"Oh," she said again thrown by events. Neither of them knew what to do next. They were in uncharted territory, but of them when it came to this stuff – Dani was the braver of the two. "Do you and my daughter have any plans for tomorrow?"

He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. "No, but…" he whined.

"Charlie," she turned to ask him a serious question on her way out the door. "Just what the hell did you think was gonna happen here tonight?"

"I dunno," he admitted. "Not this," he raised his hand to his face where the red angry welt in the shape of her handprint was becoming visible on his pale cheek.

"Just be glad I didn't shoot you. I've had to resist the impulse to do that since the day we met," she joked as she left; at least he hoped she was joking.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author's Note:** I know this story isn't what you were expecting, not even in the realm of possible alternate realities and some reviewers have been candid they don't see this happening (ever). I respect that each of us has our concept of what damaged these characters and why they are who they are. This is but one imagining...of what might have been. _

_Thanks to those of you who read - and review. Fame or flame - it's appreciated._

* * *

_The Return – Tidwell's POV_

When Dani's voice came down the phone line, he was beyond relieved. His heart soared and hammered madly; his words came in a jumbled up excited mess and he wanted to see her, touch her again so badly that it hurt, but she her call was short, curt and over so fast that he was left stunned. Over the next week, he replayed that conversation in his mind a hundred times before he again laid eyes on her. Each time it sounded the same, but it made him feel worse, more insecure.

_"Tidwell," he'd said, not knowing it was her._

_"It's me," she said._

_"Dani, oh my…thank god," he gushed as emotion and relief filled him. _

_"Don't thank god, thank Crews," she replied._

_"What happened? Where are you? Are you okay?" he rapid fired questions at her excitedly. "Tell me where you are. I'll have a hundred police cars there in two minutes._

_"I'm fine," she gave only what he needed. _

_"Where are you?" he whined. "I've missed you so much. I can't wait to see you."_

_"Please don't send anyone. I'm fine, Crews is fine, but… You're gonna have to wait," she rebuffed his invitation to exchange sweet nothings. "I'm going to be away for a couple days," she explained. "I just need some time."_

_He couldn't help that jealousy flared, "are you alone?"_

_"No," she answered tersely. _

He couldn't help it, the green shade that colored his jealous voice. He didn't have to ask; he knew who she was with and it pissed him off. She was with Crews. Crews who had moved heaven and earth for her, broke every rule the book for her; Crews who would kill for her and though he couldn't know it – would die for her too. Crews who everyone except Dani knew loved her.

Their relationship was something it felt like only he could see. It was as if they were both oblivious to it and he feared that this had opened their eyes. He feared losing her; he feared that he'd already lost her. It was why he didn't fight her on her choice.

_"Come home when you're ready," he said softly. "I love you, babe."_

_Her only response before the line went dead was, "I know."_

When they returned, Tidwell he felt it. There was an invisible wall between them – her and Crews. Whatever he feared, it had not come to pass, not yet, maybe not ever. It buoyed him. If a week away with her rich, handsome partner who'd just rescued her from that monster Nevikov didn't convince her to leave him – he still had a chance.

But she stayed away, from him, from the station, from everyone except Crews.

She went to her home, to her mother's home and even on occasion to lunch with Crews, but never with him. Not dinner, not coffee, certainly no overnights at his place and any time he talked with her he felt miles of distance between them. She was somewhere unreachable, untouchable. It was as if she'd come back, but she still wasn't there – like one of those goofy Zen sayings Crews was forever spouting.

Finally, he asked her point blank, "Dani, are you okay?"

Her answer was the perfunctory eye-roll, heavy sigh and pained "yes."

"No," he interrupted her display. "I'm not asking as your Captain. I'm asking as your friend, the guy who loves you and who used to share your bed…cause you don't seem the same."

"I'm not the same," she avoided. She paused and then added, "but I am okay."

"Do you have to sound like him?" he whined.

"Crews?" she snorted a short laugh.

His smile was more like a grimace. The first time she'd smiled in the week she'd been back and it was at the mention of 'his' name. "So you still need time?"

"Yeah," she smiled softly at him. Just a glimmer of their old affection surfaced. She reached out and squeezed his arm. "I'm just not ready to…" her descriptions failed her.

"I understand," he lied. Each day it seemed as if part of their relationship faded like land being consumed by the sea. Inch by inch, foot by foot, she was being pulled away from him by an unseen, powerful force as unstoppable as the tide.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: **_A special shout out to reviewers KFlowers and Lizicia. With over 400 views and only ten reviews I was thinking this story did not resonate with readers, but you guys… oh, you made my day with your comments. Thanks so much. I wrote this after watching all the S2 DVD commentaries with Far Shariat and Rand Ravich and took some of the twists from their hints of what was in store for us in S3. Wild tangents and imaginings, but something that could have been….maybe_. _Reviews are golden, so thanks to anyone who takes the time to comment. _

* * *

Sarah was in the pool, swimming lessons that Crews had arranged for her when Dani pulled into the drive. He was standing in the kitchen watching from the window as a cute petite blonde with tanned skinned played with Sarah in his pool. He was so engrossed in watching that he didn't notice Dani come in. She observed him standing in the window, looked out the window at a petite, pretty blonde and her daughter in the pool and became violently angry.

The strength of her emotional response even shocked her. She wasn't sure if her jealous anger was a function of Charlie's easy gaze at the woman or whether she was more perturbed at the license he took with her child. She decided on the latter because her possessiveness when it came to Crews wasn't something she was acknowledging at the moment.

"Just what the hell is that," she questioned angrily.

"Swimming lessons," he turned and regarded her.

Her voice spoke of anger and her body was set stiffly as though she was prepared to fight – but with him or someone else remained to be seen. Things with Dani were never going to be easy and that was before he essentially hijacked her life. Odds were one or both of them might not survive this little misadventure, but he had the benefit of knowing he was ready to die – if it meant she was saved. In truth, she knew it too and that chaffed her more than she let on. It was a recipe for a wicked row if ever there was one.

"Why?" she stomped into his kitchen, all 5'1" of her pissed off and yet still pretty.

"I have a pool, so if she's going to live here, she needs to know how to swim…." He countered. He'd reached a point where giving into his fierce little partner wasn't his best tool, so he'd changed up. It threw her – that he didn't apologize or pander to her, but it also impressed her. Charlie was most irresistible to her when he was tough and held his line.

"I don't need Malibu Barbie teaching her and who says she's going to live here?" she barked at him.

"Whoa," he turned and put his back to the counter and hands in his pockets. Part of her comment was telling. It was not only the swim lesson, but also the youthful blonde instructor she took issue with. He let that observation simmer on the back burner for now. "Need I remind you that you're the one who said you can't do kids," he battled back. Two could do caustic.

She flared white hot at his insinuation. "You have no…." she breathed.

He made her so angry that he robbed her of words, of insults, of even curses. He made her want to hurt him.

"No what?" he questioned. He was in her face, inside her space, inside her head, but still he did not know her. "No right? No idea? No what Dani?" He had provoked a confrontation neither could back away from now. Now that their sins were made flesh.

She growled at him, but words would not come.

He reached for her hand and lowered his tone. "Tell me," he demanded.

"No," she snapped snatching her hand away. She didn't want the warmth of his body to confuse her. She needed to be away from him so she pushed him hard. He was stronger and bigger, but she pushed with all her might, all her fury and he moved.

"You have no right to meddle in my life Crews," she hissed at him.

"I am trying to help," he defended neutrally, but stood his ground.

Venom dripped from her tongue, "I don't want your help. This isn't your life. This is my life. I didn't invite you here. I don't want you here."

"I can't take her back," he argued.

"She can't stay here," she rejected. "And I can't…" she spun away because she feared tears that bit at the corners of her eyes.

"For the love of god, Dani just tell me what happened…" he almost shouted at her. It was the closest she'd come to him losing control in their time together. She unraveled him to the point that he couldn't hide his frustration in layers of Zen.

When she wheeled on him she meant to end their partnership in that moment, but the look on his face stopped her. Instead of anger there, she found sorrow, regret and sadness. His eyes held compassion and concern for her, despite the daggers of white-hot anger she'd buried and kept burying in his hide – for no greater sin than loving her.

"Look," he explained, "everything and everyone I've ever known has been taken from me. I couldn't imagine what it was like to have her taken from you and I wanted someone I loved to be happy."

"Stop saying that," she shouted.

"Stop saying or stop doing it," he batted back. "Cause we both know I can't."

She couldn't decide if she wanted to hit him or kiss him. He was so goddamned stubborn. It seemed like she'd been pushing him away since the day they met and still he kept coming. "Why can't you stop?" she argued. "It's not like I'm that easy to live with."

"Are we gonna live together?" he joked darkly lowering his voice and taunting her. He could be so mean sometimes and that was when she loved him most. "No…you're not easy…in fact you may be the most difficult, infuriating, complex woman I've even known," he smiled, but it wasn't fun he was having. "But you're in my blood," he chuckled. He always made light when things got too close, "and you might have noticed…I don't give up."

She quirked her lips and narrowed her eyes, "even when you're beaten?"

"Even then," he replied. "You'll have to kill me to stop me," the luxury in the tone he took made her skin tingle. He was flirting with her. Seconds before he'd been ogling that blonde and now he was setting a fire low in her belly. _Damn him._

"Don't tempt me," she teased back, but he'd effectively blunted her outburst and tempered her anger. She was now more turned than she was angry – if only marginally. But if he was waiting for her to reciprocate; he'd wait a long time. This traipsing to his house every night after work was getting old; as were his reminders that she could stay. _Oh, how she wanted to…_

Then just as suddenly he put her back in charge, where she liked to be, but his delivery was again coy and full of innuendo. "Just tell me what to do and I'll do it," he teased darkly. Far from capitulating he was having fun with her unease; he possessed pure meanness sometimes – and – he enjoyed it.

She breathed deeply willing calm and control. "I swear to God, Crews. One day I am going to kill you," her voice was just loud enough for him to hear.

He didn't move; he didn't breath, he just waited and smiled slyly. People still liked to fill a void, even Dani Reese. She wanted to tell him.

Then quietly, cautiously, he spoke with sincerity and interest, "tell me what happened…please."

Her gaze flickered to the pool, where Malibu Barbie was still engaged in teaching Sarah to swim, water wings and all. Her gaze travelled back to her partner and she gave in. His compassion for her, even at her worst, was relentless.

"I was almost four months along, when I realized I was pregnant," she began shakily. "People think it's impossible, but it isn't - I went cold turkey. I figured I'd die or lose the baby in the process, but I didn't.

Crews didn't move, he barely breathed. He just waited for her.

"David freaked. He said she'd be damaged; he begged me to get an abortion."

At this Charlie looked up and they locked eyes. His eyes showed pain; hers held a challenge and in them he could see the iron of her will. Someone who'd quit cold turkey for a child they'd almost never see.

"You talk all the time about the cost of taking a life, but you don't really know it," she chastised him. "The people you've killed were men, adults, mostly bad people. Try willingly killing your own child," her voice was wry and caustic. "Try making that choice and living with it."

"You couldn't do it," he stated the obvious.

"I couldn't do it," she repeated. "Whatever the reason, she was mine and I wouldn't, I couldn't do that to her. So I hid from my controller the remaining four months, I fed him informants; little street level deals and did everything over the phone. I stayed off radar and off the street. She was early – Sarah – and small, but she was whole and healthy," she smiled at that memory.

There was deep and abiding love there; just as it had always been hidden in the rich darkness of her eyes. Before he'd only seen that she was haunted and tortured by her choices, but she owned them and in accepting them she was gaining freedom from her past.

"What happened?" Charlie questioned unable to control his urge to know. He still wanted to know things despite the pain these truth often brought in their wake.

"I couldn't tell my parents. David's were both dead," she confessed. Now that she was talking the story seemed to tell itself. "I needed help so I went to my Uncle Mickey. He and my dad were in the same Academy. I have no idea how he came by all that money, but he said he'd do it. Protect her, keep her safe, hide her and that I could see her from time to time. He always had her with some one he trusted and she was happy Crews," she almost whined at what he'd done, or more precisely – undone.

Charlie interrupted incredulous, "I'm sorry, but Mickey Rayborne?"

"Yeah," she nodded and bit her lip. "I've known him since I was a kid. He's not the man you think he is."

Charlie considered her statement. Then he offered an opinion of his own and a truth to back it up. "He's not the man you think he is either. Mickey Rayborne may have hidden Sarah for you, but he's also the one who gave her up – to me."

He didn't tell her how they'd fooled him. He didn't share how easily Amanda Puryer played him when he leaned on her to find the little girl or how both she and Rayborne had put on a show and protested, when all the while they knew who she was and where she was. He didn't tell her that while he'd been saving her, he'd also betrayed them both. Rayborne now knew that Crews knew and how far he'd go to protect Dani Reese – and her daughter.

"When the FBI showed me those pictures of his boat, they wanted me to think you'd killed him. I thought I'd lost her, that I'd never see her again and then that night you brought me here….it was the night I first knew Rayborn was still alive and that I might see her again."

"I never told you in Mexico that Rayborn was alive. Did I?" he realized.

"No, because for all you know about me," she threw down the gauntlet, "I still don't know who you are, what secrets you keep or why."

"I'll show you," he vowed. "I'll tell you. Everything."

But even in that confession and his attendant promise, he was holding back and she knew it. "Crews," Dani barked. He sensed she'd noticed his mind wandering. "What did you do?"

"I fucked up," he stated. "I let Rayborn have something he can hold over both of us. I chose for you. I didn't ask; I just led with my heart. I know I shouldn't have, but that doesn't change what I see every time you walk through that door," he argued the rightness of his action, despite the consequence.

She didn't seem convinced so he continued. "You can't seriously tell me that you want to go on being what….a bystander…a some times participant in her life."

"How exactly am I supposed to deal with a kid Crews? I'm a single LAPD Sergeant who works homicide. Four nights out of seven we are hunkered over a dead body somewhere. There's no childcare option for that. On top of that, I'm an ex junkie, recovering alcoholic and I'm barely making it on my own. She deserves better."

"And she'll get it…" he vowed. "I can help, but there is nothing better for her than being with you. Don't you see? She loves you. You can't ignore that," he pushed.

"You think I haven't had this conversation with myself a hundred times," she spat angrily.

They disconnected at an impasse. Then she demonstrated her absolute faith in him, by giving him something she didn't have to – a hard truth.

"After I gave her up, David and I went on a binge and we were high - so high - for weeks. I missed her so much, but I think he missed her more. I just wanted the pain to go away, but nothing worked. I just kept getting more and more drunk, more and more stoned and then somewhere along the way…."

"You got lost," he finished for her.

"We both did," she let the tears come. "It killed David to let her go. She looked so much like him with her little green eyes. He could take never seeing her, but not ever seeing her again. That's why he did it. That's why he killed himself, because of what I chose."

"Shhh…" he was there now, surrounding her, enveloping her. "You don't know that. You were faced with an impossible choice; you did what you thought was best."

They were empty words, the right ones, but unless she believed them herself – which she didn't; they just rang hollow. It was meager, but all he had to offer.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," he mumbled into her hair. He didn't even register the affectation, but she did. She pushed away from him.

"I'm not your sweetheart," she objected. She steeled herself and told him. "That is never going to happen, Crews." She was not going down that road again. _Being with someone you truly love is too painful. Better to be with someone you like and you know won't hurt you;_ although she'd essentially left him too, Tidwell.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

A very waterlogged little girl came sliding in from the pool ending their deep and far too personal discussion. As always, Sarah lit up when she saw Dani and made a beeline for her mother's lap, wet towel and all. Charlie quietly paid Malibu Barbie in cash and explained that her services were no longer needed.

The young blonde asked him in a coy way if she should leave her number and Charlie told her it was best if she didn't. She risked a glance at Dani and Sarah and offered that he had a nice family. Charlie smiled, showed her out and wished her perception was his reality, but it wasn't.

He returned to find Dani had taken Sarah upstairs to wash the chlorine off her and he busied himself with fixing dinner. He wasn't surprised to find himself humming absently. He was happy; having Dani and Sarah close relaxed him, even when he and Dani fought – they balanced him and he hoped to do the same for them…someday.

Rosa was always good about preparing some dish with a post-it note stuck to it, which read, "oven 350F for 40 minutes," to keep him from starving or surviving off take-out. Tonight was no different and in minutes the smell of enchiladas wafted through the house. He took little containers Rosa prepared of sour cream, pico de gallo and guacamole from the fridge and placed them and clean plates on the island.

There was also a small dish labeled "por Sara," containing simple cheese enchiladas. He smiled. Rosa had already discovered the four-year-old girl's love of cheese. He opened a bottle of Shinerbock, took a long pull off it and waited. He didn't have to wait long. Said little girl came gliding down the stairs with her mother; her nose was in the air, sniffing dinner.

"Cheese" she pronounced smiling at Charlie.

"That's right," he grinned. "Nothing but the best for my girls."

"We need to talk," Dani whispered to him, "after dinner."

Shortly after dinner, Charlie put Sarah to bed with "stories." She faded fast after an afternoon of physically exerting herself in the pool and warm meal. Three whole weeks and they'd developed a routine. Charlie read nighttime stories with a flare for the dramatic, voices and all as Sarah giggled and yawned. Dani watched from the doorway. He'd make any little girl a great father.

But if Sarah stayed with Crews, it was too much "them" for her – too soon. Something had to be done, or Dani Reese had to stop running and face her fears. Neither was an appetizing prospect. As she watched Crews snug Sarah's blankets, brush her hair from her face and kiss her good night, all Dani could think was "damn him."

"What's up?" he asked as soon as the door to Sarah's room closed with a soft snick.

"How come she thinks you're her father?" Dani wondered looking directly at him.

"What…" he had the good sense to appear as shocked as he felt. He wisely resisted the pleased smile that he wanted to let spread across his face, but warmth radiated from his chest and he couldn't contain a contented sigh. Children had always been something he'd longed for and Sarah was a tiny treasure. She was her mother before the damage, before the attitude and without the pain. He loved her immediately as an extension of her mother, but within days the little girl had charmed her way into his heart and he couldn't envision a future that didn't include both dark haired beauties. "I have no idea where that came from," he said softly. He watched her believe him, and felt pleased he could see her acceptance and trust returning.

"I think I do," Dani turned and headed down the stairs.

"I didn't tell her that…" he defended.

"I know," she admitted.

"You gonna keep me in suspense?" he wondered.

She paused and asked him her own statement containing challenge. "Yes, because once again it seems as if you know all my secrets Crews and I know none of yours." It was a question without a query. It was a taunt and an opportunity.

"What do you wanna know?" he asked softly. Her effort marked a departure in their relationship. Instead of avoiding, ignoring and refusing to engage, she was curious. She wanted answers – about him. "Hey," he beckoned. "Come with me," he started back down the hallway to his room.

She paused but after a moment she followed. He led her through his Spartan bedroom and into his large closet where she finally she stood face to face with his conspiracy wall. "This is it," he breathed. "This is where I try to figure out who stole twelve years of my life and why. Now you know."

"I do know," she told him as she reached out to finger the pictures pinned to the butcher paper. "I've always known."

"Known what?" he was puzzled.

"That you weren't as Zen as you pretended. That more than a little anger lurked under that expensive suit. That you were finding your way and that…." she trailed off as she reached her father's picture.

"I didn't want to hurt you," he explained his lie.

"I know," she remarked quietly. "I've known for awhile now."

They stood still for several minutes while she processed and absorbed the data displayed on his wall.

"When Roman told me he killed my father….I felt anger and guilt," she opened up fully for the first time about her captivity.

"Guilt? Why?"

"Because part of me was glad he was gone. Part of me was relieved that it was over, that I'd never have to…" her voice caught.

"Reese," he put his hand on her shoulder and turned her to face him. "Why does Sarah think I'm her father?" Jack Reese may have been dead, but Charlie Crews lived and his life included the little girl who slumbered down the hall. He hoped it always would.

"David had green eyes," she spoke through the tears in her eyes. "When she got old enough to ask about her father; that was all I would tell her. I said that he was a nice man, a kind man with green eyes and a beautiful smile." Her description could have easily been Crews.

He pulled her to him gently and she came. His arms enveloped her and they stood in his closet holding onto one another for long enough that he lost track of time.

"I have to go home," she pushed away from him. She wasn't rejecting him, it was just time for her to go.

"No," he said in a neutral tone, with his voice uncharacteristically deep and rough, "you don't." She knew what he was offering and what he was asking. She teetered on the edge of giving in, but couldn't.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Crews," she said as she turned to leave.

"Could you do me one favor?" he asked with tenderness in his voice.

She didn't turn around, but she stopped - begging him to finish his request.

"Call me Charlie," he spoke strongly but softly and made no effort to pursue her.

"Good night…Charlie," she said trying on his name for size. It didn't feel as strange as she'd imagined it would. In her brain he'd been Charlie for a while now. She never turned around, never acknowledged him, but it was progress and he'd take it. Only after she left, did he realize she didn't correct Sarah's mistaken impression. Maybe part of her didn't want to.


	8. Chapter 8

He was struggling not to desire. Desires were attachments, particularly his. He'd rejected them before. After prison he'd steadfastly forgone luxuries, the trapping of wealth and privilege, because he knew they could take things away from you – every thing. But what he desired most eluded him even when it was right in front of him. He focused on what he desired most - or more accurate whom he desired – his partner and by extension, her daughter. They were the family he'd lost or the one he'd never had.

_Was it better before? To avoid every attachment?_ _Would they be taken from him as his other family had been? _ _Isn't everything taken from us eventually? If we spend out lives worrying about it, protecting it, does it prolong it or just make us incapable of enjoying it?_ _Wasn't it safer just to avoid every entanglement like Dani was attempting to do?_

Aversion, the tool Dani was employing, was just clinging to attachment turned inward. Avoiding attachment as a protective measure, which meant feeling nothing, but those were his choices. She seemed to have made her choice, but he could tell she struggled with it and what he'd done had not made her choice easier. This path was not his alone to walk; this choice was not his alone to make. Part of it was hers. Once again they were one plus one, but the math was not adding up this time.

His meditation was shattered by a piercing happy scream of a little girl. She'd discovered the puppy he'd brought home from the shelter last night. Her happy laughs were punctuated by the equally uncontrolled yelps of the puppy and the scrambling sound of little nails on cardboard.

"Daddy, help," Sarah yelled. She wasn't in distress. She wanted his assistance, unlike her mother and she continued to call him "daddy." It was a mistaken impression that he didn't mind; one that Dani wouldn't correct and an illusion he'd like to leave her. So many of our illusions are bad things, but this one could be a wonderful for them both. He knew that choice was not his to make, both he and Sarah awaited the decision and choices of another - Dani Reese. She whom he trusted, she who would make mistakes, she who would hurt him; but would never betray him. She who he loved more than all the money and the freedoms it bought.

However, all of their lives were the playground of other more nefarious people. People he would never trust; never like and never be able to control, people like Rayborne. This he struggled with and it was the reason he sought the balance meditation brought. Dani Reese and Sarah made meditation hard – for entirely different reasons, but both were sacrifices he was willing to make.

"I'm coming," he called to her calm and smiling.

His meditation was forgotten for the joy of a small child.

"Someone left this doggy in a box," Sarah explained. "I was helping him and look what he did," she gestured to the mess they'd made of her towel and water wings. The puppy had punctured the water wings with his sharp little teeth and was running around the kitchen playing keep away with her towel.

"Do you want me to take him back?" Charlie asked as he wrested the towel away from the pup who barked at him cheekily.

"To where?"

"Well," Charlie lifted Sarah up and got her face to face with him, by sitting her on the countertop. "This puppy didn't have a home so I thought he could live with us, but if you don't like him…" he trailed off.

"No," she shook her head. "Every one should have a home," her solemnity touched Charlie deeply. She knew intuitively and she wanted them all together too.

"Even bad little dogs?" he joked to keep things from becoming personal and serious.

She nodded and agreed. They both looked down at the pup who barked just once in agreement. Sarah smiled at Charlie. He so loved this little girl and he'd only known her a month. He smiled back and she threw her arms around him.

"Can we keep him? What's his name?" she asked excitedly. "Is he my doggy?"

"Yes, he is – your doggy. You can call him whatever you want – except Charlie. That's my name," he teased.

* * *

Dani listened from the foyer as "her" family interacted. That's what they were. Blood or marriage aside, they were hers and she was theirs.

Charlie Crews was absolutely incorrigible. It seemed the clutter and connections he'd long been avoiding, he'd finally embraced. If she let herself, she'd be swept along with this growing tidal wave of Crews' attachment. But deep down, part of her knew and accepted her connection to Crews. He was a part of her life and now that she'd spent significant time around her daughter, Dani realized letting her go – even for her own good – would be very hard, maybe impossible for her to bear.

She wondered if many people wrestled with wanting something desperately, but having no idea of how they'd functionally accomplish it. Crews had money; and time now that he was suspended. She had neither. To let him raise Sarah would give her a better life, but she jealously wanted to be part of it – not only her daughter's life, but to continue her connection with Crews. The problem was that now, she had no official connection to Crews, which meant if she stayed…she was acknowledging that she liked Crews a lot more than she'd wanted to, maybe more than she should.

He was a dangerous man, with deep secrets and yet Dani was drawn to the darkness he possessed, the scars he covered and the fragile trust they'd begun to build – together. Curiously enough, the only person she'd allowed to know that secret was Roman Nevikov. She remembered being tied up in that basement that smelled of cigarettes, sweat and dogs and knowing Crews would come for her. She had absolute faith in him, but she also knew he would not do it the traditional way. Charlie Crews would not come riding in with the cavalry, but he would come alone and hell would follow with him.

She could still hear herself telling Roman, "_I'm connected to Crews… he'll find you but he won't give you what you want – he'll give you something else_." She knew like no one else how true what she was saying was. All she had ever wanted from Charlie Crews was to be left alone, but that's not what he gave her. He gave her something else.

He gave her back more than her life, more than her confidence, more than self-esteem. He gave her things money could never buy. He gave her the capacity to care again – about herself, her daughter and _yes, about him_. If everything else was uncertain, this much was clear to her – she and Crews were connected – and they always would be. Time to stop pretending it was just about work; time to look in the mirror and see her true self. Time to face her fears.


	9. Chapter 9

**Tidwell's POV**

He didn't want to follow her, but he was having a really hard time letting go of Dani Reese. He wondered why she'd grown cold; first to him, then even to Crews. Then suddenly, she'd taken to leaving the office the minute she could and she'd disappear each night. Some nights she didn't go home at all or at least until well after he'd stopped calling or looking for her. He told himself he was just checking to make sure she was alright, she was somewhere safe and that he was NOT stalking his ex-girlfriend. It was hard to sell to himself as he watched her drive up that twisting canyon road.

"Oh, no," he argued with himself about her. "You are not going to HIS house."

After a moment and some consideration, he knew she was. The likelihood of Dani Reese knowing some other multi-millionaire who lived in these hills was slim to none. "Don't go to his house," he begged her inside the confinement of his car.

She parked in Crews' big driveway and didn't lock her car.

He'd long since gotten past the idea that he was talking to himself. He looked at himself in the rearview mirror and embraced it fully. "Guess you don't have to lock your house or your car in this neighborhood," he commented darkly.

She opened Crews' front door without knocking and a smile spread across her face beneath the dark sunglasses she wore. She stopped and a small child in a red swimsuit and orange water wings clasped both wet arms around Dani's denim clad leg. She reached down, picked the girl up and didn't seem to mind that everything she owned was now wet as she smiled broadly and kissed the little girl.

Crews appeared just long enough to peek outside and shut the front door.

"What the hell?" Tidwell wondered aloud.

He sat stunned for about ten minutes and then the Irish in him could no longer be suppressed. He drove up to the house, parked in the drive and knocked on Charlie Crews' front door. He was going to get to the bottom of this – tonight.

Crews opened the door and Tidwell registered shock and a flash of anger in the tall redhead's face before Crews smiled and asked, "What can I do for you Captain?"

His annunciation and volume were designed to warn Dani that Tidwell was there. Both men knew it.

Tidwell gave Crews a dirty look and Crews' return stare held a challenge. _My house, my rules_ it said.

Reese appeared. She poked her head around the corner of the kitchen and mouthed words that wouldn't come out, then found her voice, "did you…did you follow me?" She was patently annoyed.

Tidwell was spared the agony of a Dani Reese tongue lashing by the appearance of the child, a dark haired little girl of about four or five with curiously green eyes. She looked like Crews, but she also looked like Reese. Tidwell quickly did the math and deduced that wasn't possible so he just asked. "Whose kid is that?"

Dani said nothing, she wasn't ready for anyone to know her secret and now it seemed everyone was destined to. Charlie, however, thought faster on his feet than people gave him credit for.

"Mine," he yelped. "She's mine. Dani's just helping out," he grinned and scooped up Sarah up and directed his energy and questions toward her. "What'd you say we check on those hotdogs?" He quickly stepped away from them and disappeared into the kitchen.

Tidwell now felt the full heat of Dani's stare and when his eyes returned to hers there was fury there. "Now before you get mad…" he began.

"Too late," she ground her teeth to keep from raising her voice.

"How can that be Crews' kid if he was in prison until just recently?" he deflected astutely.

"Don't you worry about that," she warned.

"He's still your partner – on paper," Tidwell delivered a barb of his own. "Unless one of you two wants to quit," he hinted.

"I think you should leave now Captain," she highlighted his rank and the inappropriateness of his presence there.

"Are you gonna tell me what's going on between you two? Dani talk to me..." he whined.

Reese replied coolly. "There are no rules that say we can't socialize and last I heard he was still suspended."

"Is that what you're doing?" Tidwell laid his insinuation out there, "socializing? With Crews and his kid – if that's even his kid?" He pressed his former girlfriend with his tone and his eyes. She stared at him in direct challenge and remained mute.

"Reese?" Crews called from the kitchen. "Everything okay out there?"

"Fine," she shouted back. "We're fine aren't we Captain?" she asked quietly in her way of showing him the door. "You were just leaving weren't you?"

"Yeah," Tidwell said, but the sting of what he'd observed, what he thought he was observing, what he suspected, left him stunned. Crews and Reese were together; it seemed – only they weren't what everyone assumed.

Reese shut the front door, deliberately turned the tumbler locking it and leaned on the door for a moment. She released a shuddering sigh, wrapping her arms around her torso and closing her eyes. _God damn Crews!_ He just couldn't help himself. His lie left more questions in its wake than it resolved. Part of her was touched at his leaping to her defense (again). He just couldn't leave well enough alone and things had just become six shades of more complex.

She was now fairly certain that when she died and went to hell; Charlie Crews would ride into those fires to save her, but he'd be driving a gas truck. He was that reckless sometimes. The idea made her smile slightly, but their problems were just beginning. Tidwell would not let this go; she was certain of it.


	10. Chapter 10

She steeled herself and walked into the kitchen, where Charlie was in the process of making chilidogs. Sarah was in the process of sprinkling far too much cheese onto her hotdog and Crews was doing nothing to stop her. It distracted her, which annoyed her to no end. The fact that she was more worried about how much cheese Sarah was using versus the figurative eight ball Crews just put them behind with Tidwell was far too much "mommy" for her. But she was compelled to say it anyway, "That's enough cheese," Dani warned.

"But Mommy…" Sarah whined, proving Dani's point.

Crews' double take and the quizzical look he gave her told her she'd officially crossed over to the dark side. Then he smiled and it made it seem somehow better.

Never in a million years, did Dani Reese see herself here – in a kitchen with Charlie Crews and her daughter making chilidogs. It was too damned domestic, but try as she might she couldn't arrive at any other conclusion than Crews' common Zen refrain of "it is what it is."

"You'll never get that hot dog into your mouth, Sarah," Dani argued. She was compelled by unseen forces to tell her daughter that. She was beginning to think she was possessed.

"Wait, I can fix it," Crews offered help. He pulled the hotdog out and everything else, chili, cheese and bacon slid neatly into the bun. "Voila," he smiled.

Sarah laughed, but Dani did not.

"She doesn't really like hotdogs anyway," he joked countering his partner's scowl with his bright smile. The meal wasn't what was bothering her; it was the interaction with and presence of their boss and her former lover. Dani needed some space, but bolting now just wasn't something she could do – not in the middle of dinner.

He eased up close to her and talked in a low tone for her ears only. "Let's just get through dinner, a bath and bed time, then we'll talk," he offered and when she looked up there was relief in her eyes.

She nodded slightly and then for the first time since that day in the orange grove, she reached out to him. Her hand squeezed his arm before they separated; she reached out to him, for support, for comfort and he was solid, sure and stable.

He tried not to push, not to crowd her, not to make it more than it was, but to him is was just as momentous as the first time. "We'll figure this out," he vowed. And he watched her believe him. The pride he felt was a new kind of feeling for him. It was like a drug that he wanted more of immediately.

After dinner the real troubles began…Sarah wanted Dani to stay. She wouldn't go to sleep with her usual story from Charlie. She seemed to sense their unease. Dani had to read her three books, before Sarah finally succumbed to the charms of the sandman. Even then she was sweaty and restless, tossing frequently and wrapping herself in her blanket.

"I think she's getting sick," she told Crews as she entered the kitchen where he waited, cleaning up.

"Really," he asked. "Too much pool? Or is it her tummy…from the hotdogs?"

"Neither," she confirmed. "It's a cold, flu or something. She's warm and restless."

"I'll keep an eye on her," he promised. "Coffee?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "When do I not want coffee?" her wry statement was accompanied by a slight smile.

"I'm sorry," he offered his apology as he put the cup in her hand. "I didn't think…"

"No, you didn't," she agreed. "You never do," she offered.

He winced and she walked it back a little. "No, I accept that it's just you. You just go with your gut and it's kept you alive this long… so I can't see you changing. I don't want you to…"

"But," he led her where she wanted to go.

"Tidwell knows. He's already figured out that she can't be yours," she confirmed. "He's not dumb, he knows that you've only been out of prison three years and she's closer to five than she is to four."

"It's not his business," he argued.

"It wasn't your business," her testiness returned, "but that didn't stop you."

"I see your point," he seemed at least mildly repentant.

"And…up until just about a month ago," she cautiously introduced a subject she knew he didn't like, "he and I were…well…more than we are now."

A look crossed Crews' face. He wanted to ask what that comment meant, but he knew better – the want showed clearly for a fraction of a second, but Crews said nothing. He couldn't. If he pushed, he had no idea what she'd do and he understood that he'd placed her in a very tight spot.

She saw through him now like a sheet of glass. "I'm gonna go….home," she added the qualification to confirm this was his home, not hers; but in truth it was feeling more like hers than the Spartan apartment she kept but barely visited. Her place felt like a hotel room where slept; her life and the people she cared about were here. Charlie and Sarah confused her and she dealt with things by distancing herself. So she needed to leave.

He let her go. He didn't fight her, or try to persuade her to stay. He simply walked her to the door, watched her drive off, turned the lights out, put Sarah's puppy in his crate and went to bed. He didn't sleep, he just lay there alone in his big bed and thought about his desire.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note**: _ The last chapter was just a bridge. Sorry about that. I wanted to post them together, this one and the last, but it got too long. Over 1300 views and only 15 reviews...don't know what to make of that. So please tell me what you think - fame or flame - all are welcome_.

* * *

It was about 2AM when Sarah awoke and despite the fact she'd slept there without incident for the preceding weeks, on this night – she was utterly inconsolable. She was also – as Dani had noted – hot and sweaty and restless. Charlie Crews was good at most things, but a crying four year old vexed him. He tried everything he knew…food, toys, singing, stories and when all that failed he held his cell phone in his hand and dialed Dani.

"What's wrong?" she answered already aware something was amiss. She could hear Sarah crying in the background as Charlie did his own version of whining in her ear. "Stay there," she demanded unnecessarily - like he had a choice. She held his heart, and his future in her hands and they both knew it. "I'm coming over."

Only his relieved sigh answered her before the line went dead.

She showed up forty minutes later in sweats with her hair in a ponytail and Sarah melted into her mother's arms and within minutes fell back asleep.

Charlie stood absolutely flummoxed and for the first time since she'd know him he was speechless.

"So what exactly was the problem?" she asked stroking Sarah's hair.

"What's the…" he breathed but lacked the energy to continue. He ran his hand through his hair, resulting in it standing straight up and he sighed releasing his tension into a puff of ill air over his head. He looked worse than her splotchy faced now sleeping daughter. He was a sight, in his blue striped pajama pants and faded blue t-shirt, pale and freckled body. She saw more of him now than she'd ever observed before; his freckles covered his pale arms, along with fine red hair. Blue and black tattoos peek out from his shirtsleeves and a single long white scar traversing his belly was visible when he stretched.

Sarah tossed and mumbled, but Dani smoothed her hair and she turned over and snuggled deeper against her mother's chest. The little girl was dressed in a pink so bright it scared her. They were the two people in the world she loved the most, both in their PJs and if she did what she should, she'd put Sarah back to bed and leave.

But then Dani didn't always do what was best, what she should.

"Where's your thermometer?" she questioned stalling her departure.

This seemed to snap Crews out of his inaction. He muttered something unintelligible and led the way upstairs, past his room where the lights were on, to a quiet well-appointed little girl's room with all the things a four year old could ever want. She laid Sarah on the small trundle bed and covered her with a light blanket.

Crews mutely handed her an adhesive thermometer that was supposed to take a child's temperature by gauging their skin's heat. She didn't put much stock in it, but minutes later – the gauge indicated a 100F temp and that confirmed what she feared. Sarah was sick.

She turned to talk to him when it suddenly registered to her that Charlie was still talking. He was muttering something about her not sleeping, it never having been a problem before and ending with "I guess she just missed her mom." He sheepishly looked at her and had this sad little expression on his face – a mixture of embarrassment and disappointment. His blue eyes appeared both tired and bewildered.

"How's about you show me where you sleep?" she guided him from the room.

Despite the fact that she knew full well where he slept; he mutely led the way to his bedroom, which held a California king sized bed and nothing else. No dresser, no chairs, no lamps or nightstands; just the bed. A ceiling light washed the room in bright white light. "Turn off the light," she instructed and he did so without question. "Now go to bed," she told him.

"What about you?" he asked quietly.

She didn't answer, not trusting her voice or her instinct.

"You can stay here," he offered in a low, shy voice.

"Where would you sleep?" she wondered.

"Uh…" he rung his neck and averted his eyes, "couch?"

"Do you even have a couch?" she asked.

He seemed to consider her words, but didn't respond. He didn't know how. He was in a dream like state only it wasn't turning out to be a good dream, not at the moment.

"It's a very big bed," she observed. The moment stretched and then she changed the nature of their relationship with a heavy sigh and seven little words, "Just get me something to sleep in."

He walked into his closet and took a deep breath. He was teetering on the brink of a deep chasm. He was about to hand his partner, with whom he'd been in love for over a year now, one of his shirts and put her into his bed. He chose carefully and when he came back she was standing in his big window looking out at the city.

"Nice view," she observed looking out at the city below.

"Yeah," he agreed, looking at her.

* * *

She woke to a tugging on her hand. She was spooned up against Crews; his arm was draped over her and he held her tight in his embrace as he snored softly against her neck. She didn't really have time to consider how they got that close when they'd begun the night on opposite sides of a very large bed. The tugging, it turned out, was Sarah.

"Mommy," she said insistently. It appeared she'd said it more than once.

"Yeah, baby," Dani replied with far too much gravel in her voice. She'd been deeply and completely asleep.

"Can I sleep with you and Daddy?" the four year old lisped.

Dani was still troubling over her daughter's assumption that Charlie Crews was her father and why she didn't correct her daughter's impression when he replied in a low tone, "Sure, come on angel," leaned over her and lifted Sarah onto the bed.

Sarah snuggled deep into her mother's arms pressing her more fully against her bedmate and he, for his part, simply covered them both with the sheet and draped an arm over them. Dani lay awake stroking her daughter's hair until the child issued a heavy sigh and her breathing leveled out signaling her return to sleep. She stilled and gently Charlie placed his hand over hers. This felt far too good, far too right. He pressed a chaste kiss to the base of her neck and her eyes slipped closed.

"I'm sorry if I screwed up your plans," he whispered.

"Its okay," she replied casually almost without thought. "You did it because he love me."

She felt his head twist slightly. He was surprised that she finally accepted it and she admitted it so easily. "I do," his voice had a timbre that made her shiver. "I have for a long time now," he completed his confession without ever having said the words.

"In Mexico," she guided. "Where you gonna tell me?"

"Uh-huh," he admitted, "but then you thought I was him and asked about the baby and I knew you were still in love with someone else."

"Charlie, I…" she began.

"Shhhh…" he urged, "it's okay."

"I'm not in love with anyone else," she argued.

"Not even a little?" he joked shyly.

"I gave up those illusions a long time ago," she confessed. "I thought I was making the right decision for Sarah. To keep her safe and cared for but close, so I could watch her grow up but never be there to fail her when she needed me."

"You won't fail her," he promised.

"You don't know me," she countered stiffly.

"I know you better than you think," he battled back. "And…I still love you."

"So what we suddenly become the Waltons or something?"

"No," he chuckled and the rumble in his chest shook her and Sarah both.

"Shhh…" she chided, "you'll wake the baby."

He stilled and held her close. "You can't leave. She won't let you go now. You can't leave me with a screaming four year old ever again. I'd sooner go back to general pop in Crescent City."

She smiled. "I can't take her home. My place is too small."

"You can live here," he volunteered. He felt her bristle immediately. "Not like that," he defended. "This place has rooms I've never even been in. You can have any one you like. More if you need it."

"She still thinks you are her father," Dani confessed her fears.

He hummed a non-committal response against her ear.

"Her eyes are green like yours. David's eyes were green. Does it bother you?"

"No," he yelped a little too quickly. Then he tried to cover his overeager answer, "Uh…do you think we…should we tell her? You know that I'm not…" he drifted off unable to finish the thought. The idea of the little girl with green eyes was part of a fleeting dream he'd once had – long ago with Jennifer. The little girl used to be blonde, but this one was suitable and he was growing to love her as an extension of her mother.

"Do you mind if we don't?" Dani asked. "She's just been through so many changes these past few weeks, I'd just like her to be somewhere she feels safe."

"I'd be honored to keep that secret for you," he promised, "for as long as you like; forever if you want. You're both safe here. I would never let anyone hurt you," he growled with a conviction she knew came from deep in his scarred heart.

"I know, Charlie," she divulged a secret that somehow seem harder to say in her head than it turned out to be, "I've known for awhile now. I keep resisting, because I'm afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"That I love you," she loosed the words and as soon as they flew and her heart became light and her world bigger and brighter. The light of her truth replaced the darkness of not knowing. It shone like a candle on a dark night.

"Does that mean some day you'll let me kiss you?" he teased his voice was breathless and gravelly in her ear and hot on her face.

"Yes," she smiled and closed her eyes, "that's exactly what that means."

He didn't try, but she wouldn't have stopped him if he had. They had days, weeks, months to figure each other out. She wanted to kiss him breathless and she couldn't do that with a slumbering toddler sharing their bed.

"Do you think all our kids will have green eyes?" he wondered idly yawning.

"Go to sleep Crews," she sighed in mock exasperation.


	12. Chapter 12

Her phone rang in the middle of the day, which wasn't unusual; the fact that it was Crews was. He never called while she was at work, so she began to worry before she even pushed the "receive" button and put the phone to her ear. Sarah's cold or fever could have gotten worse, but the words he said and the tone in his voice chilled her to the bone.

"Come home now," that was all he said and then the line went dead. His voice was cold and hard. He wasn't angry, he was beyond anger; he burned. She redialed him, but he wouldn't answer.

She left work without a word to anyone and sped the distance to what she'd come to know as accept as "home." His house, their home. It was remarkable that he hadn't had to tell her, she just knew, but it passed unnoticed because there was a more immediate concern. He was sitting in the kitchen when she burst through the front door. The look on his face almost stopped her heart.

"Where's Sarah?" she asked breathlessly.

"She's gone," he said. His voice was strange, thin and yet hard like stone.

"Gone? Gone where? Is she sick? How can you not know where she is?"

"He took her," his eyes flicked up and what she saw there shocked her. His face and eyes held a purely visceral reaction; fury and uncontrolled hate. "Rayborne took her," he spit the words out and held up a note card.

She walked to his side and took the card from him. It bore Mickey's elegant scrawl and a simple message. _I think by now you know what I can do. I know what you can do. I need something from you – you need something from me. Let's talk. ~~Mickey_.

"This can't be…" she stammered. "Why would he? He can't do this…." She was talking and not saying anything useful so she shut up. She got a grip on herself and then continued, "What do we do?"

"You do what you want," he gritted through clenched teeth, "but I'm gonna do what I have to."

"You mean you're gonna kill him," she sought confirmation of his murderous intent.

He turned and stared at her and for the first time since she'd met him; she glimpsed the man prison had twisted Charlie Crews into. He was in a dark place and in those moments, he was intensely frightening, cold and capable of anything. She knew now why Roman had not dared hurt her. Then his mask slipped back into place, he pronounced without an ounce of emotion, "yes, I am going to kill him, but first….I am going to get Sarah back."

"We," she qualified with iron in her voice. "We - are going to get Sarah back."

"Where I'm going, Dani…" he cautioned with darkness not only in his voice, but on his face, in his eyes and deep within his soul, "you don't want to go there."

"There is no Crews without Reese," she connected them with her words. "I'm going."

_**TO BE CONTINUED…..**_

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**_Author's Note: _**_It is my intent to continue this tale in a new fic. Learn what happens to Sarah, Charlie, Dani and Mickey Rayyborne there. Look for it soon and let me know how you enjoyed (or didn't) this story. I look forward to hearing your comments on tale and your expectations for the next one.  
_


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